Realizing The Sad Truth

As I sat on the floor in Maddy's room this afternoon, I came to a sad realization. I sat and folded and put into a storage box all of her newborn-6 month clothes. Oh how quickly these 6 months have gone. Sure, the days seem very long but the weeks and months are flying by. In my hand I held the jacket she wore when she came home from the NICU. It's hard to imagine that, in that little jacket, I brought home a 5 lb baby girl.

It was at that moment that I realized that I may not have anymore children. I have always wanted a big family. Lots of children to chase around the house. But the truth is, I don't think I can do it again. I loved being pregnant. I had a great pregnancy. Yes, there was the horrible morning sickness that plagued me for months, as well as Gestational Diabetes, high blood pressure, and swelling. But it was a great experience. I had a great doctor and great medical and support team for months. It's just that I don't think I can handle what happens afterwards. The fatigue, the feeling of being overwhelmed, the depression.

Maybe after Adam finishes school, and I am able to stay at home, I'll change my mind. Maybe then. I don't know. But for now, I will not sweat the small things. I will hold on to my girls and enjoy them while they are young.